Did Not Drown

I made it back from D.C. alive. I was wet. Very very wet. But alive.

Got to see some old friends...very fun.

Played silly drinking games with my coworkers...also very fun.

Sat in the airport for 12 hours...not fun.

Going to Lincoln tomorrow...fun.

M--there is a bbq at Nikki's on Sunday at noon...you should go. Not quite the bloggy bear picnic, but good anyway :) I could bring jagger...

More funny

Abu al Zarqawi died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!" Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!" James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!" Thomas Jefferson was next. He beat alZarqawi with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence." The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader. As alZarqawi lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. AlZarqawi wept and said, "This is not what you promised me." The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"

Funny Funny Funny

From the Manitoba Herald, Canada

The Canadian Immigration Problem
by Hal Johnson

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk." Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though." When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races. In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?" In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.

Nashville

Now that OC is leaving for TN (you will need a new nickname by the way!), I figure that we need to learn some stuff about the volunteer state.

The name "Tennessee" originated from the old Yuchi Indian word, "Tana-see," meaning "The Meeting Place."

Tennesseeans are sometimes referred to as Butternuts, a tag which was first applied to Tennessee soldiers during the Civil War because of the tan color of their uniforms.

The capitol building was designed by noted architect William Strickland, who died during its construction and is buried within its walls.

A replica of The Parthenon, the famous ancient Greek building in Athens, Greece, stands in Nashville's Centennial Park.

The Great Smoky Mountains National Park is the most visited national park in the United States. The park was named for the smoke-like bluish haze that often envelops these fabled mountains.

Reputed "Turtle Capital of the World," Reelfoot Lake also features thousands of sliders, stinkpots, mud and map turtles.

The largest earthquake in American history, the New Madrid Earthquake occurred in the winter of 1811-12 in northwestern Tennessee. Reelfoot Lake located in Obion and Lake Counties was formed during this earthquake.

The city of Murfreesboro lies in the exact geographical center of the state.

Andrew Johnson held every elective office at the local, state, and federal level, including President of the United States. He was elected alderman, mayor, state representative, and state senator from Greeneville. He served as governor and military governor of Tennessee and United States congressman, senator, and vice president, becoming President of the United States following the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.

It is very far away from my house.

Total Est. Time: 28 hours, 53 minutes Total Est. Distance: 2016.17 miles
1: Start out going WEST on VENTURA BLVD toward VAN NUYS BLVD.
<0.1 miles
2: Turn RIGHT onto VAN NUYS BLVD.
0.3 miles
3: Merge onto US-101 S.
3.8 miles
4: Take CA-134 E toward BURBANK / GLENDALE.
14.3 miles
5: Merge onto I-210 E.
18.6 miles
6: I-210 E becomes CA-210 E.
18.8 miles
7: Merge onto I-15 N toward BARSTOW.
67.6 miles
8: Merge onto I-40 E (Passing through ARIZONA- NEW MEXICO- TEXAS- OKLAHOMA- and ARKANSAS- then crossing into TENNESSEE).
1693.4 miles
9: Merge onto I-40 E via EXIT 12C on the LEFT toward NASHVILLE.
197.9 miles
10: Take EXIT 209 toward US-70 / CHARLOTTE AVE.
0.1 miles
11: Stay STRAIGHT to go onto 14TH AVE N.
<0.1 miles
12: Turn LEFT onto CHARLOTTE AVE / US-70 / TN-24. Continue to follow CHARLOTTE AVE.
0.5 miles
13: End at Nashville, TN US

Sad and happy all at the same time...

Inspiring Collagen Use in Newborns Everywhere