Wedding Toasts?

I was asked to give a toast at OC's wedding reception. I googled "wedding toast" to get some ideas, and found the following:

Here's to the girl I love the best.I've loved her naked, and I've loved her dressed.I've loved her standing and I've loved her lying.And if she had wings, I'd love her flying.And when she's dead and long forgotten, I'll dig her up and love her rotten.

I love the girls that say they won't.I love the girls that say they do,And then they say they don't.But the girls that I do love the most,And I know you'll think I'm right,Are the girls that say they normally don't,But for you I think I might.

May all your ups and downscome only in the bedroom.

To women and horses...And the men that ride them!

Love and Marriage...

Maybe it's a function of the fact that I am in my mid-twenties, but it seems like all of my conversations these days are about relationships with the opposite sex. Not that this isn't an interesting topic, but there are many many other things going on in the world and I wonder if it is all downhill from here. I noticed a while back that when we get together with our OC couple, we talk a lot about our cats. Is it just a slippery slope into talking about our future kids? Am I doomed to only speak of domestic things forever?

I'm not really complaining. I love hearing about weddings (OC, my boss and I are all getting married...7 days until OC's!), breakups (coworker #1 finally did it), long distance affairs (ok, I don't really love hearing about coworker #2's sexual frustration), and all of the related topics. I think that what made me freak out a little was when coworker #3 let it slip yesterday that she doesn't know who Terri Schiavo is. Seriously? Maybe it's time for us all of be a little less self-centered and look at the things that are happening in the world around us. (Not you though OC, you can be self-centered since your wedding is in a week).

I found this explaination of why people who live in L.A. wear sunglasses all the time on Television Without Pity (you must go check it out immediately if you haven't been there already), and I thought it was really funny:

"Actually, we're wearing sunglasses. And it's because the sun is crazy bright out here. The air is so filthy that the sun bounces off all the little smog particles in the air and it hurts to have your eyes open because the air is filled with crap and the sun is glinting off every single molecule around you and if you don’t wear sunglasses and take Claritin on the hour you can't even open your puffy, watery eyes."

Things you shouldn't put on the internet

A while back, the fiance was conducting interviews for an assistant position at his company. They received many resumes, so in a fit of nosey boredom, the fiance googled the names of each person applying. One of the girls had her own website. Fabulous, a way to find out a little about her before her interview. One part of her site was a blog-type diary. The current entry was entitled "I love to pick my nose". The curious fiance clicked on it. Before him appeared several paragraphs dedicated to this girl's love of nose picking. Apparently she likes to pick her nose in her house, at the grocery store and in her car among other places. She likes it when people see her picking her nose, because she likes the way that they get all freaked out and uncomfortable. Needless to say, the fiance did not hire this girl. The lesson here, dear readers, is that in this world of snoopy people and internet technology, one should not put facts about themselves on the web that would make interviewers not want to shake your hand.

In related news, a man applied for a web design-type position at OC's company. Included as part of his resume was a sample site that he had created. It was basically a children's book as a webpage. The main character was a squirrel. The mission of the squirrel was to learn how to "squirt". I don't know about you, but I don't know of any squirting squirrels. In any case, when the squirrel finally learns how to squirt, he proceeds to run around the forest squirting on everything. He squirts on trees, he squirts on other squirrels, he squirts on bunnies...you get the picture. Some of OC's colleagues thought that it might be a misguided potty training story. I may just have a dirty mind but...

L.A. Traffic

So I'm driving to work this morning. Typical 101 West, my average speed is 12 mph (I know this because I live 12 miles away from work and it took me an hour to get there). Cars are bumper to bumber. You basically have to flash a gun at the people in the next lane in order to get over. Over the course of this 12 mile trek, I see 3 different cops on the shoulder with cars pulled over. What could these drivers possibly have done in the clusterfuck that was rush hour traffic this morning? There was no room for speeding, little to no need for blinkers, no chance of recklessness or negligence...If someone out there reads this and knows what people get pulled over for during rush hour, please let me know. It may be that I need a hobby or something to occupy my mind, but this is driving me nuts!

Also, I saw a variety of roadkill that I have never seen before: Mallard Duck.

WTF?!?!?

"Those of you who like rice cookers, raise your hands," Castro said to applause from hundreds of women. The 78-year-old leader spent two hours talking about the merits of pressure cookers.

So glad not to be in Cuba today.

And there it is...

...the end of my innocence.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Music/03/09/people.carter.ap/index.html

Vegas Baby!

So basically I have been a blog-lurker for many months now, but I have finally decided to give in to the suggestion that I actually contribute to the blogosphere (I have no idea if I have the lingo down, but hey, I gave it a shot!). I just returned from a trip to Las Vegas for a joint bachelorette party for me and my friend who I will refer to as OC from here on out. What better time to start a blog?

Ah, Vegas. I can smoke anywhere I want to and no one will yell at me.

This was your basic bachelorette Vegas trip. We booked a VIP package for Saturday night...dinner in a fancy restaurant, strip club, dancing...the usual. Much of this experience was what I expected, however one thing stood out. Our dining establishment of choice is called Alize on the 56th floor of the Palms Casino. Pretty chi-chi. We are sitting at the table in all of our sparkly shirted glory, and the couple at the next table started chatting with us. They were Vegas-dwellers, he was about 50 and she was a few years younger. This is how part of the conversation went:

Vegas Lady: Did you know that the Dover Sole is the specialty of this restaurant?

Me: Yeah, I saw that, but we didn't order it

Vegas Lady: Well in that case...

And then Vegas lady proceeded to cut us off a portion of her $60 fish and pass it on a bread plate to our table. It was a big enough piece that each of the four of us at my table had 2 bites.

Living here in L.A., I just don't run into friendly people that often. Especially people who are willing to give you some of their food.

Quite refreshing.