The Good Ol' Days

There is this girl that I know. She was one of my campers back in the Kitaki days. At the time she was about 11 or 12...cute little thing. We kept in touch a little after I left for college, and since I have never deleted a name from my AIM friends list, I have seen when she comes online for the last 8 or 9 years. Yes, that is probably wierd, but I really hate the idea of deleting anyone.

Anyway, out of curiosity (or boredom, or putting off working), I looked at her profile and there was a link to a Xanga blog site. She is now finishing up her sophomore year at UNL. Her blogs are all about playing frisbee in front of the Union and meeting new people and the fabulous pair of new shoes that she wants.

I want to go back to college. Of course, technically, I am back in college, but grad school while working a full-time job does NOT count. Especially in Cali, where the lack of seasons means that you don't get that bit of excitement when the snow finally melts in the spring, or when the leaves start to turn and fall off of the trees. Furthermore, I would really like a summer vacation. Traveling for work half the summer and taking two classes is not a summer vacation.

Urgh. And the "real" Louis Vuitton bag I won on E-bay is NOT real! Bastard!

Subservient Chicken

http://www.subservientchicken.com/

Go to this site! It is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. He doesn't know how to hokey pokey though :(

Take that Duck Off of Your Head Mister!

According to CNN.com, in Minnesota a person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head. In North Carolina, it is illegal to sing off key. In Idaho, you may not fish on a camel's back while Ohio makes it unlawful to get a fish drunk or to fish for a whale on Sundays.

I like it!

I don't have cancer

When I was in D.C. 2 weeks ago, I developed a very large bruise on my thigh. I say very large because it is bigger than my whole hand. I say developed because I don't recall running into anything or hurting myself in any way. Unfortunately I had just finished the novel "My Sister's Keeper", which is about a girl with leukemia. I was convinced that I was dying of cancer (unexplained bruising is a symptom of leukemia). I rushed to the doctor as soon as I returned to L.A.

"I have cancer!!!" I exclaimed, pointing to the bruise.
"You have a bruise," replied the doctor.
"I didn't run into anything! It's definitely leukemia!" I returned.
"Looks like a bruise to me," said the doctor.

He finally agreed to do a blood test, just to be sure. Still convinced I was dying, I waited and waited for the results. I called today to find out why they hadn't called me yet. Turns out that they don't call if you aren't dying. The whole 'no news is good news' thing, I guess. At what point was I supposed to feel comforted by the lack of phone call? There are hundreds of reasons why there could have been a delay in testing my blood, I thought of them. At any rate, I am not dying, it was just a bruise. Now I am concerned about my mental health. How did I hit my leg so hard that it left a black and purple mark the size of my hand and not notice it. I don't even bruise easily. I must be losing it.

And no, I am not a hypochondriac. At least not usually.

Brit and Kev

I figure that since I spend most of my day working on very "serious" stuff like government grants and reading things like Education Weekly, I have to balance my life by engaging in some really superficial hobbies when I'm not at work. My silly interest of choice is celebrity gossip. I read Ted Casablanca religiously. I buy Star, US Weekly and In Touch every time I get on an airplane. I have a subscription to People. I watched Newlyweds. It follows that I was jazzed when I heard that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were getting a reality show on UPN that covered their "courtship, engagement and wedding". I was really looking forward watching it, especially since the season finale of the Gilmore Girls preceded it last night (still don't understand how Lorelei proposed to Luke when they haven't even said I love you!). The Britster let me down though. Chaotic was so dumb that I kept looking at the clock to see if it was almost over. Not only did the shakiness of the home video camera give me a headache, Kevin is a greaseball and Britney, although I still love her, spent the whole hour making stupid faces into the camera and making comments about sex. I know that this whole show is supposed to be about the viewers seeing what the grownup Britney is really like, but JEEZUS it was over the top. I was a 23 year old a mere 2 years ago. I too was drinking and smoking and having sex. I did not, however, feel the need to talk about those things ALL OF THE TIME. The Britster seems to need a hobby. Maybe the baby will serve that purpose for her. When it is all said and done, I will probably still watch next week's episode, and the next and the next. I could say that it's like a trainwreck and I just can't stop watching, but the truth is...I guess I just don't want to be left out of a pop culture event that will likely be discussed in all of my magazines and gossip columns. It's pathetic, but hey, if you ever need to know who is dating whom and what crazy names celebrities give to their children, I'm your girl.

Strange Musical Moods

I am apparently in the mood for a very specific kind of music. I went online to Amazon and bought Gavin DeGraw, Jason Mraz, John Mayer and Howie Day. I know that I should be more diverse in my audio selections, but nothing else appealed to me at the time. Even now as I listen to my new purchases, I don't feel like listening to anything else. I wonder what this says about my current state of mind...

Yee Haw

So I am leaving for another work trip tomorrow morning...Austin Texas this time. I was talking to this hot bartender in Santa Monica who happened to be from Austin, and he told me that the coolest thing to do there is to go to the Congress bridge at twilight and watch the bats. Apparently hundreds and hundreds of bats fly over your head. I hope that they don't poop on me.

In related travel news, the honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta is all booked. So looking forward to that. The fiance's parents also just spent all of their frequent flier miles (they are paranoid about airline bankrupcy) to buy us all tickets to New Zealand in March. New Zealand? Very cool. Two weeks with the in-laws? Possibly not so cool. I have also decided that I am going to spend my frequent flier miles on a one-year anniversary (yes, a year and 4 months from now) trip for me and the future husband to Argentina. You can get an apartment for $150 for a week, and they are really nice. Plus food and entertainment is really cheap, so like $500 total for an international vacation? Sounds good to me. Adios!

In honor of my upcoming nuptuals

The Good Wife's Guide

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first- remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.

Worst Work Trip Ever!

National Finals is over. Hallelujah! For any of you who are unfamilliar with my job, here is a quick course in the Center for Civic Education. We write textbooks. Civics education textbooks. The high school book culminates in a mock congressional hearing where the students defend their knowledge of the government and constitution to judges, professors and the like. There is a state competition in each state and these winners go on to the national competition. 1200 high schoolers descend upon Washington D.C. and it is up to me and my co-workers to make sure that they all participate in a fair and challenging competition without killing themselves or knocking anyone up. There are also 72 volunteer judges, 120 volunteer coordinators, 50 international delegats and 50 new teachers to be catered to. Needless to say, I am exhausted. When I competed in the program myself in 1998, I had no concept of the sheer size and scope of the organization in which I was participating. Now I do and I want to crawl under a table and die. I slept for a total of 25 hours in 5 days. I have a gigantic bruise on my leg that is the color of grapes that I don't even remember getting. I got yelled at in front of the associate director of my organization and subsequently burst into tears. I got in a fight with the security guards at the Pentagon City Mall. I cleaned up nervous teenager puke. I never want to see most of my co-workers again.

It's good to be home. Too bad I have to get on another plane and go to Texas on Wednesday. Blah.